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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330703">lucifer's waltz</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesKnees/pseuds/BeesKnees'>BeesKnees</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>so much time on the other side (waiting for you to wake up) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Captivity, Chris and Leon are married, Drugged Sex, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Disintegration, Non-Consensual, Oral Sex, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:09:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330703</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesKnees/pseuds/BeesKnees</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It seemed far past time for us to meet,” Wesker says. “I've heard so much and you've proven to be such a noteworthy distraction to so many around me. And I thought I'd offer a belated congratulations on your nuptials to Chris Redfield.”</p>
<p>"He's not here,” Leon snarls.</p>
<p>“I know,” Wesker says. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>After Leon is kidnapped by Wesker, he knows it's just a matter of time until he escapes or is rescued. He's wrong. </p>
<p>(Can be read as standalone.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leon S. Kennedy/Albert Wesker, Leon S. Kennedy/Chris Redfield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>so much time on the other side (waiting for you to wake up) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lucifer's waltz</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Leon wakes, Wesker is already on top of him. He makes a startled noise in the back of his throat, but Wesker has a gloved hand over his mouth, and the sound is muffled.</p>
<p>Leon had thought that his days of being snuck up on, particularly when he was sleeping, were long over. His heart is thundering in his ears because he can scarcely believe that someone got into his house, let alone his bed, without him waking. </p>
<p>Of course, he knows who this is. In the low light of the bedroom, he can see Wesker's eyes glowing through his glasses. </p>
<p>There's a half a second where they just look at each other. </p>
<p>Then, Leon's instincts kick in. He doesn't have any clue why Wesker is in his house, but he's not interested in finding out. He rears up underneath Wesker, planting his feet into Wesker's stomach to try and get him off. He bites down on Wesker's fingers at the same time for good measure. Wesker grunts, and Leon rocks with more force, getting his feet up into Wesker's chest on the second go, shoving him off. </p>
<p>Leon scrambles across the bed, climbing over Chris' empty half. He gets to Chris' beside table and yanks the drawer open so that he can grab the gun they keep there – and the drawer is empty.</p>
<p>“Fuck!” Leon says aloud. </p>
<p>“Looking for this?” Wesker asks. He fires off a shot – purposefully missing – as Leon turns to look. The bullet lodges in the wall somewhere behind Leon. Leon still flinches. He grabs the lamp off of Chris' bedside table and hurls it at Wesker's face and then takes off. </p>
<p>He thunders down the steps toward the main floor. Their gun safe is in the office, and Leon will be able to make a distress call to Hunnigan. </p>
<p>He's halfway down the stairs when Wesker grabs him by the back of his neck. He propels Leon forward, and Leon goes crashing, face first, into the full-length mirror they keep on the landing. </p>
<p>He ends up splayed and dazed there for a minute, blood pouring down his face in rivulets. He's dizzy, possibly concussed. He looks up as Wesker finishes descending the stairs.</p>
<p>“It seemed far past time for us to meet,” Wesker says. “I've heard so much and you've proven to be such a noteworthy distraction to so many around me. And I thought I'd offer a belated congratulations on your nuptials.”</p>
<p>“He's not here,” Leon snarls. Some part of him is relieved that there's no way for Chris to get here in a timely fashion, either – even if he knows that Chris Redfield is likely everyone's best bet for this to end quickly. </p>
<p>“I know,” Wesker says. Leon's blood runs cold.</p>
<p>He scrambles to his feet and tries to get down the second set of stairs. Wesker kicks the back of his knee out. Leon goes tumbling, head over heels until he lands on the ground level. His head smacks against the floor with a resounding thud. </p>
<p>Still, Leon pushes himself to his feet. Everything in his body has whittled down to a single instinct: get to the office. Gun. Hunnigan. </p>
<p>The next thing he knows, he's flying through the air, not even entirely sure how Wesker hit him. His back collides with their China cabinet, and everything inside shatters.</p>
<p>It's so dumb is the only thing Leon can think for a moment. The only reason they even had China is because Claire had inherited their grandmother's set, and she'd forced them to take it after they'd gotten married. They'd never even used it. People just gave them shit for owning it.</p>
<p>And now Leon is sitting in the slivers of Redfield family China, bleeding through a thousand tiny cuts. </p>
<p>“I must say,” Wesker says, stepping on a teacup as he advances on Leon, “I did expect more.” </p>
<p>“Fuck you,” Leon snarls, wishing that he had something more clever to say even as he says it. He lobs what's left of a plate at Wesker's face. </p>
<p>He can still do this, he tells himself. He's been in worst scrapes. He grabs a large shard in his right hand, holding it tight and ignoring the sting of how it bites into his own skin. He throws himself forward, aiming for Wesker's neck. </p>
<p>Wesker catches him gracefully and spins them so that Leon's chest is pinned against the near wall – chest and face pressed into it, arm twisted behind his back. Wesker shifts a little, threatening to break his arm and Leon can't help the grunt it pulls from him.</p>
<p>Leon kicks backward, aiming for Wesker's knee, and Wesker jerks his arm up even more sharply, dislocating it. Leon bites back a scream. </p>
<p>Leon's brain, singing with pain signals, is trying to come up with backup plans. Escapes, attacks, defense. </p>
<p>Wesker slams his head forward against the wall, breaking his nose. </p>
<p>“You're probably thinking that you don't want him to be the one to find your body here,” Wesker murmurs. Leon's world is a liquid, hazy red. “He won't. By the time I'm done with you, he's going to wish I had simply torn you to pieces and left you here.” </p>
<p>Leon feels the prick of a needle against his neck. Before he goes under, his last thought is that he desperately still wants to be human when he dies.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He comes to briefly while Wesker is transporting him. They're flying somewhere. Leon is soundly tied and bound. He bobs to the surface of consciousness just for a moment before being taken back down into drugged nothingness. </p>
<p>…</p>
<p>A lot of his first few days with Wesker are lost in that ether-like haze. He has no idea how long he's been out or how far they've traveled. </p>
<p>All he knows is that he's far from his home and alone with Wesker. </p>
<p>His first weeks with Wesker are just torture – physical pain and the simplicity and complexity of it. Pain is still pain and after unending amounts of it, Leon is feeling past his breaking point. But Wesker never gives him any out – never tells him what he might want from Leon to make it stop, so Leon must simply endure. And in the moments when he is left with his own mind, he knows to be scared, because he knows that Albert Wesker is far beyond paltry physical torture. They both know they're just getting started.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He wakes up one morning and the door to his cell is just open. Leon doesn't trust it, but he does know what will happen if he just stays behind the bars. So, he steps out into the open and tentatively walks through the building. His entire body aches, blooming with bouquets of blue and black. </p>
<p>The building they're in is smaller than Leon would have thought – perhaps a former local doctor's office or vet's office. Hardly, the sprawling underground compounds that he's gotten used to from Umbrella. It can't be that hard to escape from here, he thinks. </p>
<p>When he steps into the next room, though, all thoughts of escape are dashed from his mind. He's utterly caught off guard by what he sees. The room is filled with monitors, each of them reflecting a familiar face.</p>
<p>Claire.</p>
<p>Leon forgets his own surroundings as he watches videos of her going out to drinks with her friends, doing maintenance on her bike, and even some of her just walking around her apartment. </p>
<p>He turns, blankly horrified, when Wesker steps into the room. </p>
<p>It's only after Wesker is in the room that Leon realizes there's also a small table in the center of the room, set for breakfast. Wesker takes a seat at one side of the table and gestures for Leon to take the other. Leon doesn't – not yet. Wesker simply pours himself a cup of coffee. He takes a sip and then speaks.</p>
<p>“Now,” he says evenly, “I'm going to begin to make requests of you in the coming days. And your instinct will be to refuse me. I believe we both know that what you've gone through in the last few weeks was nothing to me and not enough to break you. But I think we can also both agree that such torture would be a devastating occurrence for the majority of humans. And I would warrant, given your character, one that you would not want bestowed upon most other humans, but particularly the few you care about. </p>
<p>“Now I've left Claire Redfield alone. Which is certainly not to say that I don't know precisely where she is at almost any given moment. When you feel the need to disobey me, know that. She is always within my reach.</p>
<p>“Any questions?”</p>
<p>“And what happens when I escape?” Leon asks, not hiding his irritation.</p>
<p>“I suppose you win then, don't you?” Wesker answers, inclining his coffee cup toward Leon. “Now sit down and eat breakfast like a civilized person.”</p>
<p>There's no room for doubt: this is intended to be a command. Which makes Leon want to disobey for the sake of disobeying. He's torn between not letting Wesker win a single moment more than he should and also terribly aware that he has to pick his battles. This is not a smart one to pick – which is precisely why Wesker made it the first one.</p>
<p>And, in the end, Wesker played it just right, because Leon isn't willing to endanger Claire for the sake of not having a cup of coffee with Wesker. </p>
<p>So, he gives. He sits.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“You son of a bitch!” Leon screams himself hoarse as he's thrown back into his cell. “You motherfucker!” </p>
<p>He beats himself against the bars in a way he never has before, because there's simply nothing else for him to do. He can't fight. He thinks that Wesker probably broke his wrist, and he still can't stop the way he's hurling himself. </p>
<p>He'd taken a gamble this particular morning. During one of his meals with Wesker, he'd attacked him. </p>
<p>Over the sound of his own shouts, Leon can hear Claire choking a little on the feed – “lightly poisoned,” as Wesker had described, nothing serious – likely wouldn't even need a trip to the hospital. To her, it would be an upset stomach. To Leon, it's his first transgression. </p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Do you want him to find you?” Wesker asks. Leon hasn't tried to attack Wesker again since he poisoned Claire. He knows that if he does, he has to be absolutely certain he's going to succeed. He hasn't figured out how to make that work yet.</p>
<p>Leon tries to tell himself it's still a tactical move. This is the only time he's fed. The only time he gets water. He needs those to keep his strength. </p>
<p>Leon realizes that Wesker is genuinely curious in his questioning.</p>
<p>Leon hesitates in his answer, and Wesker's smile – Leon fucking hates his smile, because it's just barely that. It's just a curve of the lips, so barely noticeable, and yet like a beacon conveying his belittlement.</p>
<p>“You don't know,” Wesker surmises. “You know he's your best bet at getting out of here, but you're afraid for his safety.” </p>
<p>“I don't need him to save me,” Leon snarls.</p>
<p>“Don't you?” Wesker asks. </p>
<p>Before Leon can say anything else, Wesker pushes his chair back just a little from the table.</p>
<p>“Come here,” he instructs. </p>
<p>Leon wars with himself, the same as he does whenever Wesker issues a command. Because Wesker's commands are still simple things, so small that they don't matter, really, but Leon is aware that they're building. He can see Wesker's deception. It's not lost on him and yet, it comes back to the same thing: it seems foolish to put Claire at risk because Leon won't close the slight distance between him and Wesker.</p>
<p>He nears him cautiously, unsure what to expect. He's braced for anything, never knowing what Wesker might do next. He never knows what <i>he'll</i> do next in response.</p>
<p>“Knees,” Wesker directs without even looking at him.</p>
<p>“No,” Leon says instantly, proverbial hackles rising. This time Wesker does look at him and then looks back down at the ground.</p>
<p>“Knees or I'll bring Claire Redfield here and have her on hers,” Wesker says, his tone warning that he doesn't expect argument this time. </p>
<p>Leon clenches his jaw and goes down, kneeling to Albert Wesker. He's angry with shame, still unable to sort out how it's come to this and why he hasn't been good enough to escape yet. Doesn't everyone always say he's the best at what he does? The creatures he's fought? The situations he's escaped? So how is it that one man is holding him so easily? </p>
<p>“Closer,” Wesker says, gesturing him forward with two fingers. Leon moves forward the smallest amount he can.</p>
<p>“Closer,” Wesker instructs sharply. “I'll tell you when to stop.”</p>
<p>So Leon does. He edges forward on the ground until his face is nearly pressed in between Wesker's thighs. It's only then that Wesker bids him to stop. Leon knows that his face is a dark red with humiliation. </p>
<p>“This is how you'll take your meals from now on,” Wesker says, holding a piece of roll out to Leon in the palm of his hand. </p>
<p>Leon has run out of ways to express his outrage, curse words to express his disdain. He just looks up at Wesker, disbelieving, even when he knows that Wesker is perfectly serious. </p>
<p>Wesker raises an eyebrow when Leon doesn't answer and moves the roll forward a little bit. Leon refuses it.</p>
<p>He makes it 72 hours without water before, delirious and wrenched from his cell at every meal, he drinks from a cup held by Wesker while Leon is underneath the table. He almost cries when he realizes what he's done. </p>
<p>After that, it seems stupid to refuse the food, so he eats as well. </p>
<p>“<i>Why are you fighting this so hard?</i>” He's not sure if Wesker or himself asks the question. </p>
<p>Everything just takes so much effort, and Leon hasn't won anything yet.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“There are zombies on the upper level that I would like you to dispose of.” </p>
<p>Leon has just stood from his kneeling position and pauses. He looks down at where Wesker is still seated. He's not even looking at Leon just yet.</p>
<p>“Will that be a problem?” Wesker asks with a trace of amusement. “I do believe that what your skills are in, is it not?”</p>
<p>“Why are there zombies upstairs?” Leon asks, even though he doesn't expect an answer from Wesker.</p>
<p>Instead: “I'm running experiments on a nearby village for a new strain of virus.” Leon thinks Wesker is even telling the truth.</p>
<p>“I've gleaned what I've needed from these test subjects upstairs and deemed them failures,” Wesker continues. “They're ready to be neutralized.” </p>
<p>“Surely, it would be a simple task for someone so great and powerful as yourself,” Leon taunts.</p>
<p>“Simple enough that I can delegate it to you,” Wesker answers without missing a beat. “Are you going to behave or not?”</p>
<p>This seems like a deceptively easy request, because, yes, almost all of Leon's adult life has been spent getting rid of monsters that have been born from viruses and parasites – and zombies are a proverbial walk in the park for him at this point. </p>
<p>“What am I supposed to get rid of them with?” Leon asks. “My good looks and charm?”</p>
<p>Wesker looks at him for a measured moment and then pulls a handgun out of his holster.</p>
<p>“Are you going to be a fool with this?” Wesker asks. Leon can scarcely believe this option is on the table, and it takes everything in him not to just grab the gun and fire off a shot in between Wesker's eyes.</p>
<p>“Because if you are,” Wesker says, “know that there will not be a second chance for Claire. So you'd better not only kill me but know of every backup plan I have intended for her.” </p>
<p>Leon feels a shiver of fear that he hates. He gets out of situations like these. He doesn't allow himself to buy into the entrapment. </p>
<p>Do it, he thinks. Just take the gun and shoot Wesker. The rest of the pieces have to fall into place, somehow. Whatever Wesker is doing is a much larger danger than playing cat and mouse with Claire. He can't protect her either way, so he needs to end this.</p>
<p>But even as he cajoles himself, he can't help but imagine standing over Claire's grave, aware that he could have prevented her death. He imagines trying to explain this situation to Chris. </p>
<p>No, his best route is probably to escape. It has to be. He doesn't know what it's going to take for him to be able to fight Wesker one on one, but he suspects it's more than a handgun anyway. Both Leon and Wesker have come to the same conclusion: that if Leon makes a move, it can't only be to incapacitate Wesker. He has to end him. </p>
<p>Escape – or contacting someone – is a different story, though. That means help taking Wesker on. That means a prepared Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine.</p>
<p>“I won't be a fool,” Leon says, voice low. The gun is not a good bet. Getting to see the layout of the upstairs is good information. </p>
<p>And Wesker hands the gun out for him to take. Just like that. Leon's stomach curls sour. Wesker is so certain that he has Leon that he's comfortable just giving him a weapon. Wesker just sits back for a moment, obviously appraising Leon, waiting to see what he's going to do. </p>
<p>He must be right about Leon's situation, because Leon lets the gun rest at his side without aiming it at Wesker. </p>
<p>Wesker takes him upstairs and, sure enough, there are five zombies, one in each of the rooms. Leon looks for any indication that they're anything other than what Wesker has said. But they don't move or act any differently than anything Leon has fought before. So he goes through the rooms and methodically delivers a single shot to the head of each one. </p>
<p>He takes his time. He memorizes the layout of each room, of where there should be windows sealed underneath stainless steel shutters. He doesn't see any cameras on this floor, although that certainly doesn't mean that there aren't any.</p>
<p>When he's done and steps back out into the hallway, Wesker holds out a hand for the gun, and Leon gives it, hating himself.</p>
<p>“Well done,” Wesker says. </p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“You're going to service me with your mouth before you have your breakfast,” Wesker says, another ultimatum thrown out there like it's nothing. </p>
<p>It takes Leon's brain a few extra seconds to process what he's being told: <i>Albert Wesker is telling you to blow him.</i></p>
<p>“No,” Leon says easily. It's a knee-jerk reaction but, even with time, he would still come to the same decision. It's almost a relief to have a choice that's so clear cut, so over the line, that Leon feels like it's within his right to refuse. His heart starts to hammer in his ears a moment later, waiting for Wesker to tell him about the awful things he's going to to do to Claire. </p>
<p>Instead, Wesker pushes his chair back. He grabs Leon firmly by the back of the neck and steers him toward the stairs. Leon curses at Wesker and bucks against his hold, forgetting his decision not to fight Wesker unless he knows he can win. He struggles the best that he can, with everything he is. He manages to get in a few sloppy jabs before Wesker is able to drag him up the stairs. Leon notes that Wesker is careful not to hit his head this time: he wants him clearheaded and aware.</p>
<p>When he gets Leon upstairs, he pins him against the thin plexiglass in front of the observation room. He holds Leon's wrists behind his back, his broken one screaming, and he keeps his other hand at Leon's neck so that Leon can't turn away from the sight in front of him.</p>
<p>And Leon so wishes he could. </p>
<p>He feels his throat close up immediately. Behind the glass are three young girls – no more than 12, all of them wearing an identical neat school outfit. Two of them are on the floor, already an ashy color. The third is crying and she runs to the glass when she sees them and starts pleading in a language that Leon doesn't know. She points back to her two friends on the ground. </p>
<p>Leon jerks against Wesker's hold and finds no give.</p>
<p>“Please,” he says, the word practically whispered as the crying girl looks him directly in the eye.</p>
<p>Wesker says nothing. No taunt. No commentary about how this is a lesson.</p>
<p>“Wesker!” Leon shouts at the silence. “<i>Please!</i>” He's not so proud that he won't beg for a child's life. Wesker just wants to prove a point – same as he did when he poisoned Claire. And the point is made. Leon was wrong in thinking that was where the line was drawn when these are the consequences. </p>
<p>“I will you touch you however you want,” Leon snarls. “Just let her go.” </p>
<p>Still, Wesker says nothing and that's when Leon truly knows he's in trouble. </p>
<p>Behind the crying girl, one of her friends rises. Her logs wobble underneath her, head askew, gaze gone. She lets out a faint moan, already taken by Wesker's virus. </p>
<p>The still-living girl turns, wide-eyed, and then screams when she sees what's happening behind her. She presses herself more firmly against the glass directly in front of Leon and pleads with him and Wesker. There's nowhere for her to run, and she doesn't try. She holds onto them as her lifeline until the very end.</p>
<p>The dead girl grabs her about the neck and sink hers teeth into her jugular, tearing flesh in a way that Leon has known since he was 21. The girl is still screaming as she slides down the glass, her blood spilling onto the floor. </p>
<p>The other dead girl begins to move as well, dragging her lifeless limbs. When she reaches the other two girls, she flips the still-living one onto her back and sinks her teeth into her soft belly.</p>
<p>Wesker holds him in place until the light goes out of the third girl's eyes. Until her body begins to twitch again.</p>
<p>“She didn't have to die,” Leon says, choked.</p>
<p>“No,” Wesker says, breathing into his ear. “She didn't.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>When he's dragged out of his cell the next morning, he goes under the table, sucks Wesker off, and eats his breakfast without being told. Wesker says nothing to him the entire time.</p>
<p>Back in his cell that night, he cries, almost uncontrollably. As he shakes, for the first time, he wishes that Chris would just come rescue him already. He no longer believes he can get out of here on his own.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Leon has no way of tracking time other than their meals. He has no idea if that's meaningful or if Wesker purposefully skews the times to throw him off. Leon wouldn't put it beyond him. He tries to keep track, regardless. He really does. But everything starts to sort of … bleed together in a strange way. </p>
<p>For a long while after the incident with the girls, Wesker keeps everything as it is: Leon under the table, the blowjobs, the meals, the occasional disposal of zombies or creatures from whatever tests Wesker is running. Most of the days, it's easy to give into those things. It's not a new fight – it's a control Leon has already relinquished and he's just relieved that there's not a more difficult test of his obedience. Days go by without him seeing Claire's face. </p>
<p>Leon has trouble seeing ways to escape now, so he tells himself that Chris has to be looking for him, which means the BSAA is looking for him. The American government has to be looking for him. Someone will find him. Sooner or later. </p>
<p>“There's disposal for you,” Wesker says again, handing Leon the gun, which Leon takes without considering. </p>
<p>They head upstairs, and Leon goes through three of the rooms without comment or hesitation. He falters when he gets to the second-to-last room, looking back at Wesker. Wesker is watching him, obviously waiting for his reaction.</p>
<p>“This one's not sick,” Leon says slowly. As far as he can tell, the man behind the door is just that: a man, who looks panicked and jittery at being locked up, yet unaware that Leon is standing outside as his executioner. </p>
<p>“He's not,” Wesker confirms.</p>
<p>“Then, why?” Leon asks, struggling to keep up with what's happening.</p>
<p>“He witnessed something I'd rather he not,” Wesker says simply. He approaches Leon slowly. “I know this will <i>pluck</i> at that rather rudimentary conscious of yours, so allow me to make it a little simpler: if you refuse to kill him, I will. I will torture him slowly before killing him. And for your disobedience, I will go down to the village and retrieve three more girls from the orphanage, and we can play out that scene again.”</p>
<p>“You'll run out of people sooner or later,” Leon snarls. “What is this? A village of a million people?”</p>
<p>Wesker smiles his thin smile.</p>
<p>“Oh, Leon,” he says. “There is always another village with another orphanage with children nobody cares about. You can always rely on humanity when it comes to that. Life is cheap.”</p>
<p>Leon stares at him. He no longer knows what to say to Wesker.</p>
<p>“The choice,” Wesker says, inclining his head, “as always, is yours. Four tortured deaths or one merciful one.”</p>
<p>Leon stares straight ahead into the room. He feels tangled up in his own head. There's never a free minute to think without Wesker. Everything is this constant grind – Wesker always casting him in shadow. He knows – <i>knows</i> – that Wesker is the one responsible for any and all of these deaths no matter what decision he makes. </p>
<p>And yet. </p>
<p>Leon still just can't see the point of allowing more people to die when he could stop it by simply making the impossible decision placed in front of him. And that will make him a murderer by deed rather than by accident then. By Wesker's own admission, the man in front of him hasn't done anything other than be an inconvenience to Wesker. But isn't that better than letting more people die to satisfy Leon's conscious? </p>
<p>Leon doesn't know how long he stands there. Wesker doesn't move either, but neither does he say anything further to Leon. </p>
<p>He wavers, already knowing what he's going to do and yet unable to believe it. He thinks back to that girl's gaze, how she had begged Leon for her life, and Leon simply can't do that again. </p>
<p>He kicks open the door and shoots the man in the back of the head before he can process what's happening – gone before the fear could fully take root. </p>
<p>Leon feels like he might start hyperventilating. He's killed so many times before, but it's never been fully without purpose. It's never been at someone else's whim. Leon's legs go wobbly beneath him, and he's surprised when he ends up the floor, disconcertingly close to the man's body. Unable to cope, his brain finally gives into a numb sort of nothingness, which is so much better than everything else. </p>
<p>Wesker says nothing during all of this, and Leon is bizarrely grateful, because Wesker's taunting is the only thing that could make this worse. </p>
<p>After what feels like hours, Wesker walks up behind him and puts a hand to the back of Leon's neck. Leon gives the gun back without question and begins to stand. </p>
<p>As he does, he notices something so small. Something small enough that, apparently, even Wesker overlooked it and still does now. There's a pin on the ground. Leon picks it up. He goes back with Wesker to his cell.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>It's such a simple solution. Part of Leon doesn't know why he didn't think of it before. (Most of him does. This is still a win for Wesker. He'd believed he could escape for so long. He still believes that Chris might find him. But Leon can't wait for Chris anymore.)</p>
<p>So the simplest solution is this: to remove himself from the equation. If he kills himself, Wesker can no longer use him as leverage. There are no more pretend choices for Leon. Leon doesn't have to help Wesker in any way. He doesn't have to allow himself to be slowly dissolved by Wesker. </p>
<p>Leon doesn't want to die. And he especially doesn't want to die without seeing Chris again.</p>
<p>It almost physically hurts him to think of his husband, to wonder what fresh hell Chris is going through. Where does he think Leon is? Does he know who has him? </p>
<p>It doesn't matter, Leon tries to tell himself over and over again. He loves Chris. Chris knows that. Chris will move on. Chris is easy to love. Leon is already sick with jealousy at the thought, pressing his thumb over his lifeline on his right wrist. He should be a better man. He should be relieved at the fact that Chris won't be heartbroken for the rest of his life. But Leon just wants his life and family back with a rancid desperation. </p>
<p>But he's out of time. He can't wait any longer. Wesker is breaking him, and, already, Leon is having trouble imagining explaining all of this to anyone but particularly Chris. He imagines the disgust that Chris would look at him with – that he'd killed someone entirely innocent. And then he imagines the forgiveness, which he knows would be far more likely and for some reason, that's worse. The idea of Chris having to lower his own standards to be able to justify his love for Leon. </p>
<p>Leon bites at the inside of his mouth until he tastes blood, trying not to cry again. </p>
<p><i>I'm sorry,</i> he pleads to Chris. <i>I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.</i></p>
<p>He repeats the words like a mantra as he digs the sharp end of the pin into his wrist and continues his unmaking.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He never considered that he might not succeed. Once the decision was made, it was a done deal for Leon.</p>
<p>So when he wakes up, feeling like his head is stuffed full of cotton and Wesker is looking down at him, Leon laughs. He laughs until he chokes on the sound and then he's sobbing, because he's played his last card and lost again. </p>
<p>“Welcome back,” Wesker says. Leon would pull his hands up to cover his face if he could, but Wesker has his hands bound to something. He's left with just the tears on his face.</p>
<p>“You know,” Wesker says thoughtfully, “I believe I've shown remarkable restraint in not throwing Chris at you so far.” He pauses. “I could tell you how he's ruining himself searching for you. He's left the BSAA. He's being reckless in his search and attracting all sorts of attention. I could send him recordings of our dalliances – that while he's tearing himself apart, you're just here eating fine food and sucking cock. You haven't even really <i>tried</i> to escape. He's put aside saving the world, and, you're what? Helping me find a way to end it. You killed an innocent man today. <i>You.</i> The Americans' gleaming example of how to fight BOWs.”</p>
<p>“No,” Leon protests. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Wesker says with sheer insistence. “So, here is a new reason why I will expect your obedience: Chris Redfield will never find you unless I allow him to. I promise you that. Do you believe me?”</p>
<p>Leon nods miserably up at Wesker, because he does. What has Wesker done to prove otherwise? He's always made good on every threat he's promised Leon.</p>
<p>“I have no qualms about sending him proof of what you're doing here,” Wesker continues. “And that'll break his heart, don't you think? Make him suffer more than he already is?” </p>
<p>Leon's breath gets stuck in his throat. He ends up gasping and nodding at the same time. Everything is so difficult to keep straight in his head right now. He feels like he can't get a single thought of his own to the surface – he's not even able to take apart what Wesker's saying right now even though some part of him has to know that Wesker is a skilled liar. </p>
<p>“First,” Wesker continues, holding up a bone saw as he speaks. “I'm going to remove this and I'm going to send it to him so that he knows you <i>are</i> in pain while he can't find you.” Wesker presses the blade against Leon's ring finger on his left hand – his wedding band is still there but Wesker has pushed it up so that he has room to work. </p>
<p>Leon chokes another sob, somehow more upset about the loss of the ring than his goddamned finger. He just looks away, tears still streaming down his face. The pain is barely anything – not after everything Wesker and he have done to his body in the last few months. It's just another note in a song. And then Wesker bandages him up.</p>
<p>“Now,” Wesker says, taking Leon's chin and turning his head so that he's looking back up at Wesker again. “Let's discuss the next part. I'm assuming you don't want me to send the videos of everything you've been doing here to Chris? You don't want him to see how low you've sunk, do you?”  </p>
<p>“No,” Leon hiccups. </p>
<p>“You know,” Wesker says thoughtfully. “I think he loves you enough that he would love you in spite of it – he'll love you even when you're a true monster, and it'll ruin him. His love for you is going to ruin him. You don't want that, do you?”</p>
<p>Leon shakes his head again.</p>
<p>“So, we're agreed that it would be better if Chris knows as little about what's happening to you as possible. That I only taunt him when you disobey me.” He lifts Leon's chin up a little higher. “What will you give me, Leon, for not sending him what happened today, though?”</p>
<p>Leon struggles. He doesn't know what Wesker wants from him. What could Leon possibly have to give? If it was information, surely Wesker would have asked for that ages ago. Leon's too scrambled to even think of anything that might be of interest to Wesker right now that he wouldn't already know.</p>
<p>He has two currencies here, both of them the oldest type. One of them is not in demand right now and would hurt others. But the second--</p>
<p>“Fuck me,” Leon says, offering himself up.</p>
<p>“Is that what you want, Leon?” Wesker asks. “Do you want me to fuck you so that you don't break Chris Redfield's heart by letting him know that you sit under my table like a pet and suck me off without complaint?”</p>
<p>“<i>Yes</i>,” Leon begs. </p>
<p>“All right,” Wesker agrees. He presses his thumb to Leon's lower lip. “You're going to have to show me that that's what you want. Do you understand? Your recalcitrance won't be enough to win my favor this time.”</p>
<p>Leon nods desperately. Everything is such a blur of hurt right now – his body so overwhelmed that the only thing it can do is take apart his mind. He's nothing anymore besides this shame and desperation. </p>
<p>“I'll prepare you then, shall I? I believe you lack the dexterity at the moment.” Both of Leon's hands and wrists are a fucking mess. </p>
<p>Leon nods again. </p>
<p>“You're doing the work after that,” Wesker warns. And Leon just keeps nodding. </p>
<p>Leon lifts his hips and Wesker slides the thin sweatpants off. He spreads Leon's legs and touches him methodically, stretching Leon open on one finger and then two without ever removing his gloves. Leon finds himself almost impatient for it – now this is a thing to be done, a thing to achieve, and he doesn't want the slow drag of preparation. </p>
<p>When Wesker finishes, he withdraws from Leon and goes to sit in a nearby chair. Leon sits, still dizzy. He gets to his feet and heads toward Wesker, who looks utterly indifferent. Leon keeps his thoughts as white noise. He doesn't need thoughts right now. They're all too much. </p>
<p>He kneels between Wesker's legs, a familiar enough position, and repeats what is a daily routine: he sucks Wesker's cock until he's hard. He pulls back shortly afterward, and Leon is almost at a loss as to what to do then. </p>
<p>Wesker takes his hips and deftly turns him, leaving Leon to sit in Wesker's lap, facing away from him. This is right, Leon thinks. He won't have to look at him then. </p>
<p>Leon sucks in a breath and sinks himself down onto Wesker's cock. He's longer than Chris but not as wide. Leon struggles to tap down that thought. He doesn't want to think about Chris Redfield right now. And it's almost impossible, because Leon hasn't been with anyone else since he was 21, and no one has ever mattered the way that Chris did – does. </p>
<p>As promised, Wesker doesn't move his hips at all. He leaves Leon to do the work, although he does rest one hand across Leon's hip.</p>
<p>“You seem upset,” Wesker says, low, his voice practically in Leon's ear now. “I thought this is what you wanted?”</p>
<p>Leon nods again, not trusting his voice not to crack. He starts to obediently roll his hips, lifting himself up and dropping himself back down onto Wesker, half hoping that will silence him.</p>
<p>“Who are you doing this for?” Wesker murmurs instead, brushing his fingertips along the length of Leon's spine.</p>
<p>“Chris,” Leon whispers.</p>
<p>“Who?” Wesker prompts again.</p>
<p>“Chris,” Leon says, louder. The name turns into a sob. Once he starts crying again, he can't stop. There's something almost reassuring about drowning in this grief, gone mindless with it, as he continues to work and grind his body back against Wesker's. </p>
<p>He's totally caught off guard when Wesker reaches a hand to wrap around him. He's only half hard from the constant pressure against his prostate, but he'd been utterly unaware of his own body. He wants to remain unaware of his own body, and he makes an uneven noise when Wesker touches him.</p>
<p>“Say his name again,” Wesker says before Leon can protest.</p>
<p>“Chris,” Leon says unevenly.</p>
<p>“Again,” Wesker says, speeding up his hand. </p>
<p>“<i>Chris</i>,” Leon sobs. He can't stop now: he keeps saying his husband's name over and over again, a prayer, a plea, an apology. He's reminding himself that he's protecting Chris, and he's reminding himself that he's betraying Chris at the same time. And somehow, he's also telling himself that he's nothing of the person who Chris Redfield fell in love with any longer. He's gone already. </p>
<p>He comes like that, crying and chanting Chris' name, and Wesker finishes almost immediately afterward, silent as always. </p>
<p>Leon can't get a handle on himself. There's too much emotion, too much sensation. </p>
<p>Wesker puts a hand to his chest and pulls him back lightly so they're pressed flush together.</p>
<p>“You've pleased me very much today,” Wesker says, murmuring the words directly into Leon's ear. “And you've done such a good job of protecting Chris and Claire.” </p>
<p>Leon finally manages to steady his breathing. Is that true? That has to be enough, doesn't it? </p>
<p>“Here,” Wesker says. Leon feels the pinch of a needle against his neck, and he tenses, alarmed, for an instant. Wesker hushes him.</p>
<p>“You can let go, Leon,” Wesker murmurs. </p>
<p>Whatever hits his bloodstream is different from when Wesker first took him – this just softens him out, makes everything around him a little fuzzy. Leon's eyes drop half closed as his awareness of his pain finally fades out. After everything else, this is a fucking miracle. If Leon could stay here for the rest of his life, he would.</p>
<p>He's only vaguely aware of Wesker pushing him upright and getting him back on the table. He sprawls there, buoyed by the drug now in his veins. </p>
<p>Wesker turns his head again, cupping his chin, but Leon barely responds to the touch.</p>
<p>“My,” Wesker says, amusement evident. “You are gone now, aren't you?” Leon nods, not knowing what he's answering to.</p>
<p>There are more words, but Leon doesn't hear them. He just floats, untethered from whatever amount of time is passing.</p>
<p>When Wesker spreads his legs and presses into him again, Leon just groans faintly. It's just more sensation. It doesn't mean anything. His eyes are shut and his body is heavy as he starts to push down into the thrusts of Wesker's hips, rocking with him and chasing after any sort of pleasure he can find. He isn't anything so it doesn't matter what he's feeling.</p>
<p>Heat unfurls and licks at his insides. Someone moans in a voice that's familiar to him. </p>
<p>Wesker touches his face again and Leon blinks his eyes open to look at him.</p>
<p>“You don't even know who are you anymore, do you?”</p>
<p>Leon lets his eyes drift close again, because it's too much work to keep them open. He has no answer to this question anyway. He breathes out and comes, shuddering.</p>
<p>“You are a pet now, I think,” Wesker murmurs. He presses his thumb to Leon's lower lip. This time, Leon kisses it. </p>
<p>“Isn't that right, Pet?” Wesker asks, and Leon nods.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story is part of the <a>LLF Comment Project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p>
<p>-- Short comments<br/>-- Long comments<br/>-- Questions<br/>-- “&lt;3” as extra kudos<br/>-- Reader-reader interaction</p>
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